On New Year's Eve, I began to reflect on the past year. Ar first, I drew a blank. I thought, What made this past year stand out? What did I achieve, how did I grow...? But then, there it was staring me in the face, and I felt silly for nearly failing to recognize it.
This year was my first full year as a mom.
I worked the entire year as a part-time professor and as a freelance writer for a major brand as a new mom.
I didn’t just get by in these roles; I've been surprisingly thriving.
2024 was my first full calendar year as a mom and being a pretty good one at that. However, it's taken some reflection — and kudos from others — for me to feel this way.
Truthfully, I had many moments where I felt guilty I wasn't doing enough. There were the times I was working on my laptop instead of playing with Harper in her play-yard or focusing as much on her as I wanted to. Then there were her weekly sessions with the occupational therapist and special instructor, where, right before, I'd have to think, What were we supposed to work on this week? And then during our sixth-month progress monitoring meeting, when asked about Harper's progress with the sippy cup, I admitted that I hadn't been consistent with the cup we used. Seeing that written in the progress report made me feel so bad, like I was failing her from succeeding with that damn cup. (However, she literally drank from her sippy cup for the first time that night!)
Despite the occasional negative self-talk, I look at my bright, happy, funny, sweet, beautiful little girl and realize I must be doing something right. Before I had her, I had never even kept a plant alive, let alone a human! Though I always wanted to be a mom, I sometimes worried I wasn't cut out for it. When I struggled to take care of myself at times, I wondered how I'd be able to do it for someone else. Fortunately, I don't have to go at it alone. I have a lot of support, including my mom and my sister-in-law, both of whom see me regularly with Harper and tell me I'm a great mom without me having to ask. Maybe because a part of me doubted myself, I found myself asking, "In what ways?"
In the fall of 2023, with a two-month-old at home, I took on a new role as a part-time faculty member in developmental reading at the local community college. I hadn't taught since 2019 and would be starting mid-semester, replacing a professor going out on maternity leave (this same professor, a friend of mine, also referred me for the job). She had been worried to let the dean know she was going out on leave mid-semester. Knowing I had a similar background and experience and wanting to get back into teaching, I texted her one day, "I would happy to take over some of your classes for you. What do you think?" I interviewed for the job at eight months pregnant and somehow aced the interview. Despite feeling overwhelmed, I threw myself into the job fully committed, taking it all one day at a time.
In January of 2024, my freelance contract with a digital media company was terminated due to a round of layoffs. This threw me for a loop since I had relied on it to supplement my income. However, this would be a blessing in disguise. The writing and editing work I did there didn't pay much, but, despite my husband's opinion that I move on and look elsewhere, I stayed because the work was flexible, easy for me, and (mostly) fun. This was the push I needed to stop working too much for too little. My first thought was to seek help from my LinkedIn network. A friend — whom I had once referred for a writing position with the company that laid me off —shared my post, which attracted the attention of an editor friend of hers who worked with a major retail brand. After a brief phone call and submission of my writing samples, I was in as a freelance writer on the team. I was excited to work with a major brand.
Fast-forward one year later, and I am no longer a newbie at either role. I love the work and have been recognized for the good work I'm doing with both. One day at school, my colleague told me I'm a great asset to the department and that she's heard great things about me from students. "What did they say?" I eagerly wanted to know.
This bit of praise might not be a big deal to some, but for me, enjoying my work and being recognized for it is huge. I struggled in my career for so long, finding myself unmotivated in some roles, dealing with imposter syndrome in others, and trying to find where I fit. Not to mention that work and parenting are hard enough on their own, let alone together. I have felt the mom guilt many times. I’ve been especially hard on myself lately for being so scattered and forgetful, but as a good friend of mine always tells me, “We need to be kinder to ourselves.”
Though I owe a lot of thanks to those who have helped support me, it's time to give myself a pat on the back. While there's nothing wrong with seeking feedback, I shouldn't have to question my abilities. For 2025, one of my goals is to say goodbye to negative self-talk and fully embrace my awesomeness.
Happy New Year! Here’s to hoping we can all be a bit kinder to ourselves in 2025.
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